Monday, 26 March 2012

Mothers Day Come Late.

I was tagged in this lovely Mothers Day meme by Cold Tea & Smelly Nappies and have only just managed to get around to it. You can't blame me, the weather has involuntarily dragged me outside! So here we go...

Describe motherhood in 3 words
Best Job EVER

Does your experience differ from your mother’s and how?
Well I'm guessing things were a lot different 22 years ago than what they are today so I would say yes to a certain degree. In a way though I suppose it's quite similar. My Mum had me at 20 and I had Princess at 21 so we were both quite young. However I was living with my partner and still am whereas my Mum wasn't. Also, her labour was only about 3 hours long and mine was 29 resulting in an emergency section so that experience was VERY different.

What is the hardest thing about being a mum?
Finding time to do everything. I think every Mum will agree with me when I say that sometimes there is just not enough hours in the day. Children take up every single ounce of your time so everything else is put on hold until you do find the time. This results in a very disorganised and messy house.. and Mummy.

What’s the best thing about being a mum?I'd say everything. Every smile, every laugh, every hug, every kiss... even every tantrum. As difficult as it can be at times, all of the negatives are massively outweighed by the positives. I can honestly say that I don't know what I was living for until I had Princess, my life has changed for the better.
LinkHow has it changed you?
I wouldn't say it has changed me much personally, I've always loved kids. I'm probably far more patient now. I watch my swearing (or at least I try, I have a filthy vocabulary!) and I'm more responsible.

What do you hope for your children?
I hope that she is happy in every aspect of her life. Maybe it's a lot to ask for, but as long as she will let me, I will try my hardest to make that possible.

What do you fear for them?
I fear that she will be unhappy with the choices she makes. I'm scared she'll get in with the wrong crowd and turn into the kind of person she'll regret when she's older. To be completely honest, I'm terrified most of the time.

What makes it all worthwhile?
The love. The overwhelming and sometimes unbearable love I feel for Princess makes every tantrum and sleepless night worth it.

Now I'm going to be a complete cop out and not tag anyone in this post. I'm over a week late in posting! Ciao for now!

Saturday, 24 March 2012

The 'Orrible Ones?

Since the dawn of time - or so I imagine - people have been talking about the 'Terrible Twos'. The certain age at which our once little bundles of joy become great heaving terrors. 

Princess has had her fair share of tantrums, and ever since she was old enough to wrinkle up her face until she turned red and belt out an ear piercing scream, I have heard the phrase "just you wait until the Terrible Twos kick in!" However, after a recent trip to Tumble Town softplay area, I have decided that the Terrible Twos do in fact come early. Or at least I hope so.

I've seen other children have tantrums. You know how they go: kicking, screaming, crying, shouting. Well Princess exceeds that... by about a million. During my trip to Tumble Town with mine and Scarlett's friends, Chrissy and Liam, I decided to take her down the slide. All was going well, she climbed up the soft stairs, we sat down together at the top and enjoyed a smiling and laughing trip down the slide. Then the fun stopped. Princess wanted to climb back up the slide, no doubt to enjoy the tremendous fun we'd just had. However, another young girl was waiting at the top to come down, plus several other children. Being the obvious worst Mummy possible, I took Princess away from the slide so the children could come down. That's when it began.

The screams I can handle. The kicking too. What I can't handle is the way in which she attacks my face with the vengeance of a savage pitbull, and if she can't reach my face, she'll go for whatever is nearest. The rest of our time at Tumble Town was spent with Princess having the worst tantrums for absolutely no reason. If she couldn't get into the ball pit fast enough, she'd throw herself on the ground and kick, scream, smack. If another child took the ball she wanted, I'd have to physically restrain her to stop her going after them and doing God knows what.

Majority of the time, she is the most well behaved and caring toddler you've ever met. She'll give you cuddles and kisses if you ask. She'll give you anything she had. 90% of the time she's excellent at sharing and will happily let another child take something from her and it's unusual for her to snatch. But that extra 10% of the time, when she's feeling particularly sensitive that day, or whatever her reasons are, she becomes the spawn of the devil and I'm not even joking. You might think I'm exaggerating, and even people who know Princess that read this blog might even be thinking "she's not that bad" but I wish they could have seen her that day. Even Chrissy made the remark "I'll never say Liam's bad again. I've never seen a tantrum like it!" 

This leads me to believe that the Terrible Twos have made themselves at home just a little bit too early in our household. I've witnessed the tantrums of Princess's 29 month old cousin and she can quite easily match him. My Princess is clearly in the midst of the 'Oribble Ones and not afraid to show it. 

And I pray to God that this is the case because if things are about to get worse, then it doesn't bode well for me. Anyone else agree that the Terrible Twos are on the way out and the 'Orrible Ones on their way in!?

Friday, 16 March 2012

I can't live without my...

I'm a little bit bored right now, so I thought I would compile a list of the top 5 things in my life that I can't live without. I might sound a little bit mundane, but it'll keep me occupied untill Ross gets back from work in approximately 40 minutes.

So here goes...

Number Five

The laptop. I must add, it's not actually my laptop, my Aunty has lent it to me to use until I get a new one next month. It's the most useless laptop in the entire world. The wireless is horrendous and quite often cuts the internet out for no apparent reason. Despite all of this, I couldn't live without it. It's my only entrance to my blog, to Facebook games and to what ever other crap I decide to use it for. As much as I hate it, I love it too.

Number Four

Wine. I should change that to alcohol in general, but I have to say wine is usually my first choice of beverage. I'm no expert I can assure you, and it usually doesn't even matter what colour it is, as long as it's cheap, tastes nice and takes the edge off whatever kind of day I've had. Ross doesn't understand why I drink wine, he thinks I'm an alcoholic despite only drinking about once a month if that, but if I knew that I would never be allowed to drink it again, I'd be rather distraught.

Number Three

My Dog Tia-Dalma. Whilst we've been living at Ross's Mums, my gorgeous baby dog Tia has been living with his sister and family. Needless to say she's made herself quite at home and probably isn't missing me in the slightest. I on the otherhand miss her everyday. I miss her snuggling up to my legs when I curl up on the sofa at night, I miss her having an absolute fit every time I walk through the front door. I miss the way she runs like a greyhound despite having 2 inch legs. Our new landlord doesn't allow pets and I have to somehow make him change his mind before we move in. I probably don't stand a chance, but I don't want to imagine my life without her. She was my first baby (despite Captain Jack Sparrow, my rabbit) and I've had her for 4 years now. I can't give her up!
And if you are wondering, yes, both of my animals are named after Pirates of the Caribbean characters. Don't judge me.

Number Two

My Blackberry (soon to be my iPhone!)
Now let me just get this straight, I hate my Blackberry. It is the absolute bane of my life. Half of the time it doesn't work, and when it does, it's slower than a disabled snail. I've had to have the handset replaced several times because they didn't work or were faulty. It didn't update for the first year. However, despite my hatred for the cursed Blackberry 8900, we've had some good times. I was besotted when I first received the phone and spent hours playing with it. It has been my entrance into the world of Facebook, Twitter and many other things. My contract ends on the 3rd April and rather than renew my contract for a new BB, I have decided to go for the iPhone 4s. Not for Suri, not for the games, simply for Instagram. I need this app in my life - considering how many pictures I take! - and I will not rest until I have it. The rest can wait.

Number One

My Family.
Yes, I'm being all smushy now, but it is the plain and simple truth. If I didn't have my family, none of the above would even matter. I wouldn't care about them (well maybe Tia, but I suppose she classes as family!). Most importantly, Ross & Princess. I didn't expect to be a Mum at such a young age, but there's a reason for everything. I wouldn't change one thing about my family., not Ross, not Princess, not my Mum, not my in-laws. Nothing. They're all perfect in their own way, and each and every one of them have made me who I am today, whether it was influenced in childhood, or in motherhood. I love them and they love me (and if you don't, strike yourself off my list!) so that gives me everything I'll ever need. And lets face it, if I didn't have my family, who would ever ring or text me!?

So there you have it. My top 5 things I can't live without. I'm pretty sure my list is pretty normal to be honest, there's no crazy obsessions or addictions I should have added. Feel free to join in!

Saturday, 10 March 2012

It's all coming together

For the first time in a long time, I feel that everything is falling into place. 

In less than a week of moving in with Ross's Mum, we have found a place to live. It's basically everything I've ever wanted and to make everything that much more perfect, it's with a private landlord meaning no more messing around with estate agents.
The new house has 2 bedrooms, an upstairs bathroom (which trust me, after being pregnant and having to rush downstairs 5 times a night to a downstairs bathroom, it is a big deal), every room is just the right size, and it even has a lovely back garden, including a shed! We're allowed to decorate however we want, do what ever we want, and to top it all off, the landlord is giving us a fridge and a freezer free of charge! What more could I possibly ask for!? Most importantly, it's within walking distance of everyone and everything - minus my Mum! The only downside is the kitchen and the appliances are a little outdated, but with a womans touch, all of that can be changed.

On top of all of that, I received the wonderful news Friday that we will be getting back all of our deposit from the old house! I apologise now for the amount of exclamation marks but I really am excited. We all know how much I agonised and worried over whether we would be getting our deposit back, but because our ex-landlord was so lovely, he made sure that every penny will be coming back to us.

Now to throw a sort of firework into the whole situation. Whilst snooping around the estate agents website (this was before we found out about the deposit by the way!) Ross came across some rather interesting information. Our landlord was not only our landlord, but he is also the Director of the estate agents. This came as rather shocking news considering we had both assumed he was just some guy renting out his house through an agency. What made the situation better - for me - was that on the few amount of times I actually spoke with the landlord, I had nothing but negative things to say about the estate agents. He was equally unimpressed about the number of things that had never actually been reported to him despite the fact we had phoned the company ourselves. So not only was my landlord a lovely and helpful man, it turns out he is very powerful too.
Want to know something even crazier than that?
Whilst I have been living at Ross's Mums I have started going to zumba classes with Jayne and Charlotte. The instructor, who is a lovely and tiny woman, turns out to also work for the estate agents. Not only that, she is the directors assistant. 
That's right, my new zumba instructor is my ex-landlords assistant. How bloody small is the world? I'm not even kidding, her picture is right there underneath his marked 'Directors Assistant'. Needless to say, I found the whole situation unnerving but absolutely hilarious. 

But moving on from the crazy revelation (which to be honest, you're probably thinking, who actually cares?) everything is most definitely going right. The new house, which we move into at the end of the month is exactly what I wanted. My phone contract runs out next month so I will be getting myself a shiny new iPhone - because I need Instagram in my life - and I'll also be getting a new laptop! 
Along with all of this, the new area in which I now live is so much closer to some of my friends that I might actually get some visitors and I might, just might, end up with a social life. My social life right now consists of being sat here with a glass of wine - in a McDonalds coke glass I might add - blogging and playing games on Facebook. 

So in case any of you who actually read this are wondering... everything is bloody great!

And if any of that bored you, I apologise. Why not cheer yourself up with a picture of Princess's crazy bedhead and mischievous grin!

Friday, 2 March 2012

The day I lost my angel

Two years ago exactly, I lost one of the most precious and beautiful people in my life. My Grandma. She was diagnosed with lung cancer in 2009 and was given 6 months to live. After months of treatment, various trips and stays in the hospital, it finally took her life on the 2nd March 2010.
Even though it's only been 2 years, it feels like a lifetime ago I was sat at that hospital bed next to her, absolutely crying my eyes out because we all knew it was time. We were all lucky enough to be surrounded by family, but nothing could take away the pain we felt at that moment.
For the whole day, when we'd realised that today was the day it would happen, we sat around her bedside and told stories. Memories of times we'd spent with her, all of her old good, bad and unusual habits. Her sisters and brothers told stories of when she was a kid, a mischievous one at that, and we all managed, for a moment, to find an ounce of peace in the situation.

From a very young age, I spent every weekend with my Grandma and Grandad. We would walk for miles to go to Highfields Park to feed the ducks, or we'd take the train down to Burton-on-Trent where my Grandma would buy me some clothes and a fairy trinket for my collection. One time, she even sprinkled pink glitter into a trinket box she'd bought me and convinced me the fairies had left it for me.
Every weekend we did something fun. I couldn't have asked for a more enjoyable way to spend my childhood. This is why, 2 years on, it still hits me just as hard as it did when I watched her life slowly slip away. 

At the time, I was 10 weeks pregnant. To say I was emotional and overrun with hormones is an understatement, but with every ounce of grief I felt, every tear that fell from my eye, I knew I would be okay. I had the man I loved holding me and telling me it would be okay, and the most important person that would ever exist to me, was slowly growing inside my tummy. Before she died, my Gma knew I was pregnant. She knew before even I did. OH & I had just moved into our first home at the beginning of February and she managed to visit. Whilst she sat in our massive blow up chair, she turned to me and said: "Have you got something to tell me Moodyblue?" whilst nodding at my stomach. (Moodyblue being a nickname I have always had, usually shortened to Moo). I remember looking back at her confused and telling her "uhhhh, no!". Needless to say, the next week, a pregnancy test revealed I was actually very pregnant. I will always be grateful that she were able to find out about the pregnancy, but I will always be saddened that she has never got to meet Princess.

Sometimes I think she's here with me. I don't feel a presence as such, but sometimes I just feel warm and complete again. For a short amount of time, my heart feels whole, and I feel peaceful. On more than one occassion, I have found Princess having some sort of conversation with thin air. I'll catch her point at something that isn't there and turn to me and smile. She then walks over to whatever it is she can see that I can't, and start playing. Call me crazy, but I know it's my Gma. I know she would have never missed seeing Princess if she could have helped it. I will make sure that my Princess grows up knowing all about her G-Gma. About just how special she was, to me and to so many others. 

Last week would have been her 64th Birthday. We wrote messages on paper and attached them to balloons which we then set off into the sky. I would say it's tradition, but we've only done it twice, although I know we will do it every year. 

Not a day goes by that I don't think of my Gma. I often find myself thinking about her in the most strange situations and wondering what she would have said. I whisper little messages to her and imagine I can hear her reply. I still have her number saved in my phone, I can't bring myself to delete it. I have a screenshot of a facebook message she sent me telling me she loved me. I have so many pictures that I can look at whenever I want and feel honored that she was a part of my life.
Grief doesn't get easier, you just learn how to deal with it better. Instead of crying from the very moment you wake up to the moment you fall to sleep, you manage to fill your time with other things like work or friends. In my case, I was blessed to have Princess. She takes up all of my time, and if I hadn't have had her to focus on, then I dont think I would have handled things so well. I would probably be a very different person than who I am today.

My Gma helped to shape my childhood. She played a massive role in making me who I am and I like to think I would have made her proud. Even though I'm crying right now, my tears are happiness because I am lucky enough to have some amazing memories. 

So here's to my Gma. Rest in Peace beautiful. I hope you're not getting into too much trouble. 

I love you.