Tuesday, 29 May 2012

Best Friends Forever?

Earlier today I messaged a girl on my Facebook whom I had never met before. She added me a few weeks ago and after I saw her post a status I thought I'd ask her if we actually knew each other. Turns out we didn't, she'd added me from a selling page to ask me about something but had forgotten. Somehow we got talking. We didn't talk about much really, I had noticed she was pregnant and congratulated her. We then chatted about 'baby brain', how she had been coping in the heat and how excited she was to become a Mum.

For some reason this got me wondering: how do we actually meet our friends? 

If I'm being completely honest, I don't have many. I have a few friends from school who I'll occasionally see, the ones who are always up for parties or going out, even if you haven't seen each other for months. I have a few Mummy friends whom I don't see all that often, once every few weeks. Then I have my family who I see the most of. 
I had friends at work obviously, but now I don't work, I don't see any of them, ever. Since moving away I don't really have a choice anymore, it's a long way to travel, but I hadn't seen most of them in months. Also when I did see them, it was only if I ever visited work (minus Jo!). 
I have Charlotte, my sister in law, who is technically family. But I enjoy spending time with her, we can have a laugh, chat, go out for a drink etc. Also Scarlett's cousin is only 1 year older so it's nice that she has someone her own age she can play with.

But all of these people I've met at specific places. School, work, family. I don't think I've ever really had a friend outside of those boundaries. How sad is that? 

I think maybe I'm out of the loophole. Maybe there was a lesson you had to take that taught you how to make friends that I missed? I'm not a particularly shy person and can make conversation with just about anyone. I'm not afraid to go up to someone and introduce myself, or ask a question, but is that even sociably acceptable? Surely you don't just walk up to a random stranger and say "Hi, I'm Misty. Do you want to be friends?" or am I honestly just clueless?

I have plenty of acquaintances. You know the ones, the people you see in the street who you say hi to, but really, they're someone elses friend and you're just being polite. I could probably try going to a Mother & Toddler group, but you hear so many horror stories about all the cliques and the 'up-themselves-Mums' that only go to keep up their status. I could be wrong. I could go and meet plenty of new people, but I just don't see it.

I know I probably sound like I'm whinging here, but the concept is beyond me. Maybe if I made more of an effort, invited people out or tried to make more conversations I wouldn't be in this boat. 
I think the main problem is, that once you've had a baby, not many people want to know anymore. You stop being invited out to places, people always assume you're busy with the baby. In my case it's true, I never really wanted to go out because I didn't want to leave Princess, so it probably is my own fault. But either way, the invitations stopped coming. Although I don't think I can blame my lack of social life entirely on having a baby. I know plenty of people who have had children and still have blossoming social lives. Not many, but they're out there.

So there is the sad truth. I'm a billy-no-mates *sob*. I need to take a master class in 'How To Make Friends' and put it to the test. For now I think I'll continue to plod along, but I hope that somewhere along the way I'll meet new people and prove myself wrong.


Leoni-Fay said...

I think I missed that lesson too. so Hi, I'm Leoni, do you want to be friends!! lol.

Misty Bird said...

Haha let's do it! Hi Leoni, I'm Misty. Your new BFF!

gina caro said...

I'm the same as you. I have a few mummy friends that I meet up with every now and then but apart from that no one else really x

Misty Bird said...

It's a shame really isn't it. I bet so many people feel the same way yet we all seem to be in the same boat! x

SarahMummy said...

I think a lot of mums are like this, I know I am. I had my kids before my old friends had theirs, so then I couldn't go out as much (not that we went out much anyway). Now mine are growing up, they've all got little ones so they don't want to go out and if they do the conversation is pretty boring. I've done potty training. Three times over. I don't want to talk about it any more, but no-one is interested in how my son is doing at secondary school or even my daughter in Year 2. I have mum friends, but we just chat in the street. We don't go out and I don't get invited for coffee. Luckily I still work and my colleagues are great fun when I'm there (I've added a link about them on Suzanne's oldiesbutgoodies).

Suzanne said...

I think that as our life changes, friends do too. As you say, the ones you used to hang out with pre-children, probably don't have all that much in common with you now. I think as your children start nursery and school, that's when new mummy friends are made. Hang in there!