Over the past two months or so, I have been smug. Smug to the point of bragging and loving every minute of it. You see, over the entire Winter period, none of my family have been ill.
Not Princess, not Ross, not me.
There's been no sickness, no colds, no bugs and no norovirus thank GOD.
But finally, this week, I have been struck down. If you follow me on Twitter then you've probably heard about it.
I have a gammy eye.
That's right ladies and gents, my eye is gammy.
Definition of gammy:- Gross, seeping, weeping, swollen and disgusting.
I have conjunctivitis, of all fucking things.
Luckily, it's only in one eye.
Friday night, I noticed my left eye felt sore. Not even my eye actually, it was just under my eyebrow.
Saturday it was fine, didn't even notice it.
Sunday it started to ache again and I noticed under my eyelid was a bit red. I assumed it was a stye, as you do, and went to bed thinking nothing of it.
I woke up looking like this..
I shit you not, I thought I'd woken up as Quasimodo. I knew something was wrong when I woke up and my eye was stuck together. After peeling the gunk off of my eyelashes (painting a pretty picture here aren't I?) I took a look in the mirror and gasped. What a state.
Unfortunately I also had to work like this. It was only my 2nd week at work, my fifth day, I couldn't afford to call in sick. My manager was horrified. I assured her I was fine to work though, I couldn't do anything different at home than I could do at work. I did nip over to the chemist though who told me it was just an infection (bit wrong, don't you think!?) and offered me some drops. After a horrific experience with an optician forcing painful drops into my eyes, I haven't been able to use them since, so I gratefully declined.
So I wake up Tuesday morning, once again my eye stuck together. I look in the mirror and nearly cry. Today it is WORSE.
No wonder the American's call conjunctivitis 'pink-eye'. It looks like something behind my eye has exploded. It really is rather gross to be honest.
A quick trip to the Doctors - who I didn't even have to explain to why I was there - who explained I had quite severe conjunctivitis and was given a prescription for some anti-biotics and some eye ointment. I was offered to go home from work again. I was tempted this time because my eye was so sore, it felt like scraping every time I blinked. It was constantly seeping, and I was so self-conscious having to talk to customers. Let's face it, you're gonna stare aren't you? It's also highly contagious. Unfortunately, the regional manager was making a visit who very 'politely' claimed she didn't want to send me home because of my eye. Fair enough. The fact she then went on to complain about the appearance not being up to standards was highly laughable.
By midday, I looked like the bride of Quasimodo.
I was constantly having to carry hand sanitiser everywhere. I usually do anyway, but this time I was having to use it every time before I touched something to make sure I wasn't getting nasty yellow stuff all over it.
I've started taking my anti-b's and have used some of the eye ointment and it's starting to feel slightly better. The ointment is a bit awkward and sticky, but if it gets rid of it, then I don't care.
So to all of you who have been ill over the Christmas period, I apologise for smugly rubbing it in that I have not.
Karma is a bitch.
So is conjunctivitis.