Not in the attention seeking, 'but I'm only wearing a gallon of lipgloss and tonnes of mascara' sort of way. I mean in a way that genuinely doesn't deem me pretty.
I'm not sure what it is. Maybe it's a long built case of low self esteem or just maybe it's the mono brow?
Never would I post a close up screen shot of myself like I see lots of other women do. It takes me a thousand shots just to find one picture of myself I like, and even then I usually edit it. Even then, after seeing the picture a couple more times, I don't like it anymore.
But, things are changing. I'm nowhere near as bad as I used to be.
Before, I wouldn't leave the house without make-up and now, I can go days without wearing any. Nobody stopped dead in the street and chased after me with a flaming torch and pitchforks. Nobody recoiled when they spoke to me, and nobody stares.
Maybe I wasn't as hideous as I thought.
Now however, it's as if I don't care. I don't mean that as in I don't take any pride in my appearance, because I do. I had my eyebrows done for the first time in months last week after growing them out. I like to dye my hair and have been nearly every colour of the rainbow. But now, I just don't care what people think.
I'll never be one of the 'pretty girls', definitely not. But I'm me and I'm pretty happy with it. Some times.
I could probably do with losing the gut I seem to have acquired. I blame the new found love I have of chocolate digestives. Seriously, ask the girls at work. I don't have an amazing figure. I have thunder thighs, bingo wings and a jiggly belly just to prove it.
I've had issues with the way I look for years. I'm short, stumpy and a little bit round. I have dark, thick, wavy and uncontrollable hair and my Dad kindly passed on his monobrow. I have the chubbiest cheeks you've probably ever seen, and despite being 23, I still get ID'd for deodorant. What's not to love..!?
The other night whilst I was in bed, supposed to be reading, I was instead reading through Twitter. Then I randomly decided to take pictures of myself pulling stupid faces.. as you do. There were a few smiley faces in there too, I'm not gonna lie. But for once.. I didn't edit them.
They're not the most attractive pictures, and if I'm being honest, rather fuzzy. But do you know what? I don't hate the way I look. I might look like an idiot, but that's a different discussion entirely..
But it just goes to show how far I've come.
I'll probably never be happy with the way I look, but so long as I can live with it, that's all that matters.