Friday, 15 March 2013


Okay, this post isn't as crazy as it sounds. Maybe.

It has recently come to my attention that I do something so cringe worthy and unmentionable several times everyday that I'm not even sure I can admit it.

I do it in different scenarios: when I'm with certain people and even more embarrassingly.. when I'm by myself.

What I'm talking about of course.. is using my voice.

You know.. talking.

I am ashamed to admit it, but I have several voices. As in, you know a.. *whispers* .. work voice.

One minute, I will be sat talking to my work colleague, feet comfortably tucked under my bum whilst I'm sat on my fun, swivel chair when a customer walks in. Within seconds, I have my feet on the floor, my back is straight and there is a smile etched on my face.

"HIYA!" I shriek, deafening the poor sod in front of me.

And then I launch into an ear piercing facade about how brilliant we all are and why this customer should indeed shop with me RIGHT NOW.

Why do I do it? I don't fucking know.

It's the same when I answer the phone. "Goooooood Afternoon, thank you for calling ******* Misty speaking...." I'm pretty sure no person on the EARTH sounds as perky as I do on the phone.

Unless you're my bank calling. Then you can fuck off.

I also use a voice for Princess. This is my toddler voice. It ranges from talking like an absolute spanner such as "SO, what shall we do TODAY!? to something along the lines of "I swear to MR. TUMBLE if you don't put those scissors DOWN..." But they both sound the same. You get me?

And then if I wasn't crazy enough.. I talk to myself too. Not in the way you would think. I don't remind myself to do things and I don't have conversations with myself. I berate myself for every single thing I do wrong. This is my self-hatred sarcastic voice. "Nice job, dickhead" is one of my faves.

Why do I use all of these voices? I am starting to genuinely wonder which one is my ACTUAL voice. I don't use all of these voices all of the time, and I don't think I use any one more than any other. 

Go on.. admit it. You have a phone voice too don't you?

How many voices do you have?


Elaine Livingstone said...

I get used to get laughed at at work for my "phone voice" my English accent really sticks out and I talk like I was educated. Then there was the tannoy voice for announcements, and then the me voice that the cooleagues got in the staff room.

Louise Fairweather said...

Everyone has a phone voice! Slightly posher than normal!

Amanda said...

I have a ridiculous number of voices.
When I worked for the Home Office, I'd have my manager don't fuck with me and do your job voice, then when meeting MPs and foreign dignitaries my posh-yet determined voice, my Friday night on the piss voice, regular talking voice, sometimes I even sing certain words, ohh and my don't fuck with me of I'll kill you voice.
But my favourite is when I'm reading, for some weird reason; I read in the accent of the character!

Yes I know, I'm more than a little odd!

SarahMummy said...

Of course, don't we all! We are different people at different times and our relationships with the people around us are different. By adjusting the way we speak, we are actually being considerate to the people we talk to.

Laura Huggins said...

I Do have a lot of different voices, all depends on who I am talking too. Work was a prime example, when colleagues rang the office and I answered they didn't know it was me because my voice became all posh lol

Emily Foran said...

Eeeek I think I could have at least 10 different voices, one for each child, the cat, the phone, the stern one, the best friend one, the saucy one and the one in my head - hehe ;)) xxx